image via Etsy 

I have wondered whether to write this post or not.

Because apart from the occasional heavyish post, I try to keep things light on here.

I try to keep things light in my life really.

But all is not well in my world.

Or maybe it is.

But we don’t know yet.

Writing about it, makes it more real. It gives a little extra volume to the voice in my head that is whispering “What if it’s not?” every time I tell myself, “It’s all going to be fine.”

Not long after I published last week’s Thankful Thursday post, about a teapot mind you, I got a phone call.

From my daughter’s paediatrician. And it was one of those phone calls where they say “I don’t want to concern you, but…”

And you know it’s concerning, obviously, as they wouldn’t have called otherwise, and they certainly wouldn’t be getting you in as soon as they could, and you certainly wouldn’t be hearing words like low white blood cell count.

Getting us in as early as possible meant waiting until Monday, which of course was plenty of time to google the possibilities. Not a good idea really. And Monday came. With no solid answers, but at least I heard the words “unlikely to be leukaemia” as my head swam with all the Dr was telling me. And I think her reason was something to do with platelets. But we have to keep checking.

Another full blood count, set for two weeks from the last one. Hopefully it will show a normal white blood cell count. That the low state was transient and the result of a recent infection. Hopefully the iron she is having twice a day will help with her anaemia (which is what we were testing for in the first place). Hopefully it will all be fine.  Even if it is fine though, I gather we’ll still have more blood tests for a while, to rule out Cyclic Neutropenia, and to make sure it’s all staying fine.

Her growth is also an issue. She’s sitting on the 3rd centile, and used to be at the 25th. It could be linked with the anaemia. She’s being tested for caeliacs and parasites and a whole spate of things. It could be that her diet is so restricted due to the egg allergy and milk soy protein intolerance. She could just be petite.

She does not appear in any way unwell, she is bright and active and generally a happy little girl. She is not lethargic, or irritable.

She’s my little ray of sunshine.

So I couldn’t do a grateful post this week, I’m sorry.

Because it would be an “I’m grateful but…” or an “I’m grateful despite…” post and I don’t want to do that.

I’m not dwelling on the what-ifs. There is no point in that. But I do feel like I’m holding my breath a little.

And I will be, I guess for a while.

Until we have some answers.

I really hope they are the best possible answers.

And that I can breathe out with the hugest smile on my face ever.

Joe gave me this little teapot, cup and saucer set for Christmas.

I love it for so many reasons.

Firstly, a teapot was on a personal wish list I had written inside my head. Joe just knows me that well.

Secondly, I love how it looks, Joe got my taste just perfectly.

Thirdly, I love that it makes me slow down and do something for myself during the day. It may not seem like much, but brewing a nice little pot of tea in the afternoon is a ritual I look forward to. It takes only a little) more effort than a cup of instant, but it is nice. After getting the kids their afternoon snack and making sure they are happily occupied, it’s nice to pour the tea out into a cup just for me and sit down and savour it. Relaxing and refreshing.

So today I am thankful for my sweet little teapot, (and of course, thankful for the sweet husband who gave it to me.)

I’m linking up with Katesaysstuff for Thankful Thursday. Come and check out what some other awesome people are thankful for, then link up and join in the fun.

By the way, does anyone have any recommendations of yummy tea that I should try?

I’m not sure where it came from, usually I am loyal to my favourites – red, purple, sometimes green.

I grew up loving blue.

But at the moment I am drawn to bright pops of this warm hue.

Maybe it is because I am trying to have a sunnier outlook?

Here are some hits of yellow to brighten your day:

From theloveshop via Etsy

From FestiveHomeDecor via Etsy

From littlebrownpen via Etsy

From 74LimeLane via Etsy

From bayanhippo via etsy

Want to know more about the colour yellow? Cloverdew shared this great post last week.

What’s your favourite colour at the moment?

P.S. – If you completed the title spell automatically while reading, I love you.

From CandidGrace via Etsy

I’ve been off my game lately.

I am feeling… off.

I am feeling uninspired.

I am feeling overwhelmed.

My heart is full  of the things I cannot write about, the things I cannot share.

I feel old thoughts, old things creeping, lurking.

My mind is rallying.

Don’t go there.

Don’t go down there.

Stay up. Stay up.

Keep your head above the water.

My feet move feebly.

I’m treading water.

I’m tired.

Maybe I will let go and sink down.

Down.

I flounder.

Blub

Blub

Blub

There is too much at stake to stay in the one place, hoping to be rescued.

I resurface for air, I choose a direction.

And I just keep swimming.

For the first Thankful Thursday of 2012 I thought I’d write about all the things I am thankful for from last year. Possibly, this should have been last week’s Thankful Thursday, but I was still in holiday mode and didn’t end up posting at all.

What I am thankful for from 2011

- moving from a 2 bedroom flat to a 3 bedroom house, having more space is wonderful.

- renting, which allows me to narrow down further what my dream home needs to include when we do buy.

- being a stay at home mum to my two beautiful children.

- watching my three year old turn four. Watching him grow and change and communicate more clearly. Watching his pride in himself as he recognised words and realised he was reading. Watching him at pre-school orientation as he fell in love with the place.

- watching my baby grow and change and turn one. Watching her go from sitting to crawling to walking to running, her cheeky smile growing along with her.

- watching my two kids love each other. My heart melts.

- a supportive husband who works to provide for us financially, who is a great father, and who makes it clear even after being together for eight years, he’s crazy about me.

- AIM – an online e-course which was the catalyst for a lot of change within.

- that people who I care about who were not OK, spoke up and sought the help they needed.

- actually getting to read a couple of novels.

- for the first time ever, getting a lap-top of my very own. And what’s more it’s a mac ♥.

- blogging, a much needed outlet for me, and a source of connection with some fabulous people.

- every single comment I got on this little old blog. Thank you.

- a chance to see an old friend we hadn’t seen in ages.

- watching another friend start to pursue her dreams. Can’t wait to see what 2012 has in store for you Shelly.

- the wonderful news that another friend had welcomed a baby girl into her family.

- I might not have gotten to the cinema, but I did get to see a few good films at home snuggled up with Joe. Bliss.

- My parents, my siblings, my nieces and nephews. Love you all.

- Another fabulous album from my favourite band of all time, the Foo Fighters.

- That little W. got into the pre-school we wanted.

- so many little moments where I realised I really am so, so lucky. And happy.

- all the love in my life.

Linking up with Kate Says Stuff for Thankful Thursday. Click through to link up and share your gratitude, or check out what some other really awesome people are thankful for today.

Also linking this one up to Maxabella loves... What I’m grateful for. She has some exciting news over there! Go see!

Image via pinterest

In an attempt to clean up my inbox I have been unsubscribing from emails that no longer serve me or that I no longer read. Rather than go through and do this in one big sweep, which would be too time consuming, and, let’s face it, boring, I have been unsubscribing from a few each day as they come in.

Today, being Wednesday, meant that I got an email from my local cinema, letting me know which movies are out tomorrow.

Now, I haven’t been to the movies since 2009, when I saw Inglourious Basterds (no way was I missing big-screen Tarantino). It’s just one of those things that has been pushed aside now that I have two kids, and both time and money are limited.

Sure I still see films, mostly now on blu-ray.

But, I miss it. The cinema-glow. The magic of the movies.

Once upon a time, I wouldn’t need that email to tell me what was out that week, because I would already know. And if it was a film I wanted to see, I had it marked in my diary. If I anticipated that it may be a little busy on opening night, I would’ve pre-bought my tickets.

Now I get the email and wonder how long until certain films are released on blu-ray.

I toyed with the idea of unsubscribing, ditching the weekly reminder of who I once was.

But honestly? I’m still that person.

I still love movies.

I just don’t see near as many as I’d like to.

So, the email subscription stays.

Add it to my goals for 2012 – see, at the very least, one movie at the cinema this year.

And see more films in general.

Are you a movie geek like me? Do you get the time to see all the movies you want? Or do you have another hobby or interest that has fallen by the wayside as you got older?

A few of my favourite bloggers have changed or updated the look or layout their blog for the New Year. I thought I would share them with you.

1. Edenland

If you are not yet familiar with Eden Riley’s blog, Edenland, then you are missing out on the best writing on the web. Seriously. And now she’s gone and gotten herself the coolest blogheader in the history of blogheaders. Go. Now. You have to see it.

2. Crash Test Mummy

Laney at Crash Test Mummy unveiled a great new look yesterday. Great colour scheme, a cool crash test dummy motif, what’s not to love? I love Laney’s blog and the community she is creating over at CTM. Go check it out.

3. 74 Lime Lane

I cannot remember exactly how I came across Kellie’s blog, but it fast became one of my firm favourites in terms of crafty and visual inspiration. Kellie shows us her gorgeous projects, has handy free downloads and always has the best links. She has updated her blog to make all the categories I love easier to find. It looks great as always.

4. Sarah Prout

Sarah Prout has just upgraded to a new server and has big things on the horizon in 2012. Her blog, as always, looks polished, pretty, professional and with a hit of pink. Check her out for some inspiration and soul sparkle.

5. I love Pretty things 

Another Kelly with impeccable taste and gorgeous style, Kelly’s blog has undergone a makeover which includes a gorgeous new teal colour and lovely bird motif. Pretty indeed. Kelly is still on bloggy break but add her to your reader so you don’t miss the pretty things she shares when she gets back. You’ll be glad you did.

Have you seen any other ace blog makeovers this year?

Let me know so I can check them out.

I have had a great New Year’s Day with my family. I guess the upside to spending New Year’s eve sober is not spending the first day of the year hungover. I have really enjoyed a nice quiet day. I’m feeling optimistic about the year ahead.

Happy New Year everyone!

Welcome to 2012.

Image via Pinterest

The lovely Sara at Cloverdew Creative runs a gorgeous segment on her blog called “Love a la Carte.” She simply lists the things she is grateful for at that moment, linking a few to videos or images. So in the Pre-Christmas rush I am doing today’s Thankful Thursday post in the same style as Sara – bullet points today instead of full explanations;

I am thankful for

❄ Coffee ❄ My husband’s smile and his blue blue eyes ❄ The excitement in my son’s eyes as I explain the whole Santa thing to him ❄ My daughter dancing to Christmas carols ❄ Puppy Christmas ❄ Kate for hosting this linky ❄ All the lovely bloggers I have discovered through Thankful Thursday ❄ Online grocery shopping ❄ Just thinking about how excited my kids are going to be on Christmas morning ❄ The Sweet FA Boxing day my husband and I have planned ❄ Cherries ❄ hot showers and five minutes peace ❄ the Hobbit trailer ❄ New year – new diary, love choosing this ❄ Small acts of kindness ❄ More coffee ❄

So there you have it! So much to be thankful for, as always.

Merry Christmas everyone!

What are you thankful for?

I’m Linking up with Kate Says Stuff for Thankful Thursday.

My Grandma appears to have had a stroke. She’s in hospital and is having an MRI this morning. She is very confused. Mum said she asked where my Grandad was (He passed away many years ago.) This breaks my heart. I am not particularly close to my Grandma, but I do know she loved that man.

One of my sisters is going through all kinds of hell, which I can’t go into detail about here. There really isn’t anything I can do for her except listen, but at the moment she doesn’t feel like talking. None of us know what to do. Or if there is anything. It ‘s complicated. And she lives across the other side of the country. So no hugs.

In my own little sphere, we are having some minor worries when it comes to Lula and her food allergies and getting adequate nutrition. They are small worries in the grand scale of things, but obviously, she’s my baby, I do worry.

But amidst all the chaos, there are things to be thankful for. Admist all the anxiety, there is still a well of gratitude. Some little things, and some super big important things.

For this week’s link-up I want to share this video. I know it is doing the rounds on social networking sites so you may have already seen it. I’m thankful I came across it at the time I did.

I’m linking up with Kate Says Stuff for Thankful Thursday.

What are you thankful for?