I remember feeling on my wedding day how strange it is on those ‘huge’ days in your life. The day is almost bigger than you. You have been planning, preparing, counting down. You fantasize about what it will be like. And then the day arrives. It’s surreal. It’s actually happening.
One of these ‘bigger than you’ days is upon me tomorrow. In less than an hour I am required to call the hospital, find out what ‘time slot’ I have been allotted for my ‘operation’ and find out when I should start fasting. Except it is no ordinary operation. It is one I have experienced before, but under much more rushed conditions. Last time I didn’t have time to be nervous really. And the gas I had been sucking down during a very painful labour, well it probably didn’t hurt in making the whole thing seem more surreal.
But tomorrow I go in lucid. And yes, I am very very nervous. About the specifics of the operation yes. About the massive needle they are going to insert into my spine, about them cutting me open and pulling my baby out, making sure everything is OK with my baby (as it has been at each appointment).
But I’m also nervous about the impact it’s going to have on our lives. Our little family. I look at my beautiful little W. with a mixture of guilt and excitement. He has no idea about how much his little world is about to change. I wonder what he’s going to think of this new little person who is about to enter our lives. Jealousy is inevitable I guess. Little W. has had his mummy and daddy all to himself for over three years. But I’m sure little Starbuck will win her/his big brother’s heart eventually.
And maybe the DSi that ‘the baby’ is bringing him will sweeten the deal.