“I don’t want to concern you, but…”

image via Etsy 

I have wondered whether to write this post or not.

Because apart from the occasional heavyish post, I try to keep things light on here.

I try to keep things light in my life really.

But all is not well in my world.

Or maybe it is.

But we don’t know yet.

Writing about it, makes it more real. It gives a little extra volume to the voice in my head that is whispering “What if it’s not?” every time I tell myself, “It’s all going to be fine.”

Not long after I published last week’s Thankful Thursday post, about a teapot mind you, I got a phone call.

From my daughter’s paediatrician. And it was one of those phone calls where they say “I don’t want to concern you, but…”

And you know it’s concerning, obviously, as they wouldn’t have called otherwise, and they certainly wouldn’t be getting you in as soon as they could, and you certainly wouldn’t be hearing words like low white blood cell count.

Getting us in as early as possible meant waiting until Monday, which of course was plenty of time to google the possibilities. Not a good idea really. And Monday came. With no solid answers, but at least I heard the words “unlikely to be leukaemia” as my head swam with all the Dr was telling me. And I think her reason was something to do with platelets. But we have to keep checking.

Another full blood count, set for two weeks from the last one. Hopefully it will show a normal white blood cell count. That the low state was transient and the result of a recent infection. Hopefully the iron she is having twice a day will help with her anaemia (which is what we were testing for in the first place). Hopefully it will all be fine.  Even if it is fine though, I gather we’ll still have more blood tests for a while, to rule out Cyclic Neutropenia, and to make sure it’s all staying fine.

Her growth is also an issue. She’s sitting on the 3rd centile, and used to be at the 25th. It could be linked with the anaemia. She’s being tested for caeliacs and parasites and a whole spate of things. It could be that her diet is so restricted due to the egg allergy and milk soy protein intolerance. She could just be petite.

She does not appear in any way unwell, she is bright and active and generally a happy little girl. She is not lethargic, or irritable.

She’s my little ray of sunshine.

So I couldn’t do a grateful post this week, I’m sorry.

Because it would be an “I’m grateful but…” or an “I’m grateful despite…” post and I don’t want to do that.

I’m not dwelling on the what-ifs. There is no point in that. But I do feel like I’m holding my breath a little.

And I will be, I guess for a while.

Until we have some answers.

I really hope they are the best possible answers.

And that I can breathe out with the hugest smile on my face ever.


4 responses to ““I don’t want to concern you, but…”

  1. I really feel for you Alana. I’ve received one of those phone calls myself. In my case (8 years ago) it wasn’t good news in the end. I’m not projecting my situation to yours, because no 2 situations are the same, I’m just saying I can relate. And I truly hope and pray that your daughter is absolutely fine. Sending you lots of peace and positive thoughts xx

  2. Pingback: Breathe with me. « Happylan·

  3. Pingback: So thankful « Happylan·

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